happiness is egg-shaped.

i have an uneasy relationship with eggs. while i greatly enjoy eating them, i’m not very adept at cooking with them. my omelets invariably turn out runny in places, overcooked in others, and taste bland overall — and don’t even get me started on the folding. in an effort to understand that complex little world inside the shell, i purchased michel roux’s eggs, which meets all of my requirements for a cookbook — loads of information (anecdotes, chemistry, storage, safety, assorted facts), beautiful pictures, and a dose of kitchen snobbery (across america, i can hear parents calling, kids, tonight i made your favorite, quail’s eggs on toast with mustard hollandaise and don’t forget to save room for camembert ice cream!).

now that roux has taken me under his, um, wing, i made a frittata with pancetta, onion, bell pepper, corn, and parsley that, granted, may not have been eggscellent but was also definitely not an eggscruciating experience for this, okay, it’s a toss up, do i refer to myself as a yolkel or albuman, you decide. either way, it’s important you understand that this entire post exists solely because earlier i wrote a primitive version of the preceding sentence in the margin of the book.

still, despite the minor culinary victory detailed above and ignoring the major linguistic one, i sense that i’m going to have to eventually come to the realization that omelets and scrambled eggs are just not my thing, which is a sobering observation considering that any boy heading off for college with no culinary skills owns a frying pan for one reason, that is, to confidently make his girlfriend scrambled eggs in the morning. perhaps, though, that is merely a collegiate phenomenon and no one expects someone of my age to excel at these techniques (note: i figured substituting eggspects and eggscels here would just be confusing). hopefully, instead, it is firmly insisted that we serve mollet (soft-boiled) eggs on tomato nests with crunchy cucumber or banana and golden raisin ice cream, because i’m sure i’d be more successful with those.


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